Toro Y Moi – “Cola”...

I know distance kills relationships. I tried lying to myself by saying my situation was temporary. I will go back home. I know it’s a lie. I love it here. I don’t really love it here. It’s tough. This city will accept all your dreams and suffer no fools. Home is a comforting, inviting, and forgiving. We lied to each other. We lied to ourselves. Distance kills relationships that aren’t built to last. We had strong ties but miles to go on critical attributes. Our wants seem similar. Our wants are disparate. I could project strength for only so long. I could mask the hurt with whimsy for so long. I could stretch a lie for only so far. She ended it. No whimpering. The break was resolute and absolute. I haven’t spoken to her since, and it’s a shame. Irreverant unofficial video CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Al Green – “Simply Beautiful”...

I know this about me. I know the girl I want has to be pretty. I know she’s beautiful. I know she’s too pretty for me. I constantly fight outside my weight class. That’s just the way it is. So while my pattern has not netted an abundance of ass, the dimes-to-nickels ratio highly favors the dimes in my POV. But at what cost? In the past I gave up my most precious resource, time, for the chase. And many times the pondering, the relentless pursuit, the dedication to beauty would freeze me. I put that pussy on a pedestal. And because all these girls were smart as well, my heart got hammered. I kept getting played outta position. I wanted Al’s song to come forth from my heart to lavish on a beautiful, smart woman who was foolish enough to love me back unconditionally. I was a romantic optimist. Louis CK would beg to differ. Listen to this song. Listen to deliberate torpor of the production. Al’s voice murmurs and quivers. He is determined yet vulnerable. He would give everything and more to this woman. I would give everything and more to the right woman. Original smoldering recipe. Special acoustic bonus! CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Jamiroquai – “Morning Glory”...

I have had only one relationship end without contention and bitterness. I know I caused it. I was too strong in views. I was not serious enough about serious shit. I was hard to be easy, too easy to be hard. Yet she still suffered through my emotions. Maybe because she was so pure in heart and direction, I felt like I was made to protect her from all the ills in the world. She was far more accomplished at her age than I was at mine, yet she made me feel dominant. I like to think that. During the heart of our relationship, I had purchased the O. Henry Prize Short Stories collection. The prizewinner was Kevin Brockmeier’s “The Ceiling” which I don’t remember much except for the ending. An ending which mirrored my life’s growing inflexibility vs her nascent acceleration to greatness. In the end she was too good for me. Her shy, broad smile and bright eyes are burnished into my mind and outshines the faces of girls I spent more time with during my lifetime. She is the one who got away because I was not good enough. CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Coldplay – “Sparks”...

There was one girl who dug me right from jump. The problem is I was infatuated with the girl who introduced us. But there’s no claim. And the heart wants what it wants. So I let my id take the wheel. Conspiracy was abundant. In a rush to see this tall drink of water at her home, my car caught a flat en route. (side note — for those counting and caring, I would catch 3 flats en route to pussy in my lifetime.) Donuts still roll, so I carried on. Homemade Italian food, an uncanny horoscope reading, and the tallest bed I’ve ever laid on. (fragment synopsis, enjoy it) That was the apex. I would learn I was a means to an end. And now I’m stuck with this fucking Coldplay song in my head forever. CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Dave Matthews Band – “Crush”...

When I first saw her in the crowded makeshift library, she was stunning and shockingly unaffected. She always looked glamorous yet innocent. I knew I would run into her again when I was less in a rush. That next time would be an hour later when by chance again I would run into her at McDonalds. Normally I am petrified by beautiful girls, but she seemed so affable and easy to approach. Her friend was visiting from work and was less everything. And there I learned how she loved DMB and her tragic flaw to be attracted to older men who would inexorably fail her. She is Estella in Great Expectations. I am no Pip, and there is no benefactor Abel Magwitch. She was bred to be with more than me because her family was so much less. She is the one who needed to escape and blossom. I like to think I helped her along, but I was caught in her gravity. Her crushing gravity. CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Lenny Kravitz – “It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over”...

The longest continuous period of locked-down relationship bullshit I endured was 4 years. It was gawddamn work. I wouldn’t wish that shit on anybody. Sure there were good times, but all I remember were the tears I cried and pain inside. So many years we tried to keep that love inside. Ha! I was channelling Lenny for a minute. One Valentine’s Day, I think it was our last official one together, we worked together at this computer school. She sat upfront to greet students; I sat in the back to handle calls and process shit. I had ordered flowers for her, something nice for the front desk that my humble salary could afford. I just had to wait for the delivery. Delivery man arrives with balloons. They’re for her. What the fuck! They are from some other teaching assistant. WHAT THE FUCK! No fucking decorum with these vultures! Then another set of balloons arrive for her. Those are from a student. Now she has a gang of balloons/flowers/bullshit and my shit hasn’t arrived yet. And she’s answering questions from other gawkers like, “no they aren’t from my boyfriend, but aren’t they nice?” And when my bullshit vase with a half-dozen roses arrives…WHO THE FUCK CARES? I got out-Whataburgered on fucking Valentine’s Day. And at my advanced age, I know this shit holiday is really an arms race. Go strong or keep that shit to yourself. So many years we tried to keep our love alive… CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

A Tribe Called Quest – “Butter”...

Like I was some kind of angel when I left for NYC. Hayden Hall was a treasure trove of beauty from all corners of the United States. But the one I wanted the most, the one I had then lost, the one who actually gave a fuck about me despite my clear Texas myopia, was the one whose namesake is the antagonist of this track. I don’t want to get too deep into this. This exercise is unearthing demons. Let’s just say I should’ve agreed with her that “Electric Relaxation” was/is the best song on Midnight Marauders. Losing skins because I held my ground on the greatness of “Oh My God” was a poor time to be so fucking principled. PS The girl above is not her, but a very reasonable facsimile. PPS You get an “E” for Effort and “T” for Nice Try. CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Slick Rick – “Mistakes of a Woman in Love with Other Men”...

Love, or whatever the fuck 17-year-olds think is love (which is really the afterglow of fucking or some shit), does not fucking work over long distance. You’d think I would know this after watching my parents’ marriage disintegrate into a miasma of physical abuse and adultery. Sure I was young but New York City made me feel like a conquering adult. But just as strong was the crushing homesickness and yearning for the only girl I gave a fuck about. Yes, she was the only girl I should’ve known better about. The unanswered phone calls. The empty-hearted letters. The cruel pictures of her and her local dick. Yet I carried on with my desperate pleas for her heart. Those in the know will know how this story ends. It gets worse. By Christmas everything was broken. My relationship, my time in NYC, my education, and my heart were in disarray. I flailed away at some chickenhead at Pizza Roma. And when I really realized, once again, that my solution was right in front of me — should I say three doors down on the 2nd floor of Hayden Hall — this time the opportunity was lost forever. I resigned to a fall back position that would cost me so much more emotionally on a later date. Don’t forgive cheaters. Like a rabid animal, it is their nature not to be tamed. CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Gang Starr – “Love Sick”...

I will never be good with the females. Maybe it’s misogyny or a general animosity. I’m not an easy muthafucker to cope with anyways, it’s surprising I could ever keep a girl’s attention for any amount of time. But in high school I was on full chase mode with terrible success. Sure I could have this one or that one, but I wanted the unobtainable. Climb every mountain. And when I finally stopped getting played and looked right in front of me, there was the girl I should’ve settled on from jump. Ha! Then the real games began. Because I really thought I could have this chick and still be me. See her one day then see the fellas later that day. My time was my time, right? Fuck dat! All those missed opportunities and mixed messages with other chicks had left me woefully inexperienced in being a boyfriend. I was getting played. I was a chump. When she called, I ran to her. At least I was getting the boots. Yeah, she was easy like that. CLICK HERE for the full list of Valentine’s Day...

Guns N’ Roses – “Sweet Child o’ Mine”...

I don’t know what the fuck string skipping is. I’m no rock guy. Never was, probably never will be. I am intrigued how powerful the wail of a guitar is on people, but I’m a drums dude. But there is some fucking power in that guitar solo intro. Then the band storms in, and now you’re in too deep. The song’s magic has got you by the throat. And then… She’s got a smile that it seems to me Reminds me of childhood memories It’s a gawddamn love song to a girl. Axl’s girl. But she can be any girl. The girl you have. The girl you want to have. When she handed me the loose leaf paper with all of the lyrics of “Sweet Child o’ Mine” neatly written in a rainbow of colors, I thought it was her poem. She was aghast because I had never heard of Guns N’ Roses. I mean I had heard of them. I had MTV, but I watched Yo! MTV Raps religiously and the rest of the whitebread music channel sporadically. This was not Big Daddy Kane or Eric B. & Rakim. But make no mistake, she was the girl I crushed on so hard, that I purposely tried to find a way to sit next to her in Algebra class. And on this day, some Jewish holiday that cleared out the bulk of our class. I learned about her love of this song and her rebellious nature. I already knew she would always be smarter than me, and her smile dumbfounded me to point of social retardation. The song is forever a reminder of her. The lyrics more poignant, but it’s all an illusion (no fucking pun intended). If anything, the innocence of my moments...