DJ Khaled feat. Chris Brown, August Alsina, Future, and Jeremih – “Hold You Down” Aug11

DJ Khaled feat. Chris Brown, August Alsina, Future, and Jeremih – “Hold You Down”...

For years DJ Khaled has managed to assemble rappers together to do features on tracks he may have produced. As long as Khaled throws in a “We The Best!” verbal watermark, the uncaring public knew that the next 4-6 minutes will be filled with a somewhat hot track slathered with mediocre or hand-me-down rhymes and possibly a melodic hook. Khaled has managed to convince the most popular contemporary rappers in the world to rap on his records: Lil Wayne, Drake, Rick Ross, Ludacris, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and many more. So in that same vein, he has assembled the best most popular(?) R&B contemporary crossover singers(ish) of 2014. But really, the song is outshined by the sheer ridiculousness of DJ Khaled’s wooden acting ability. I don’t think he’s acting. I believe Khaled demands his girlfriends to say his name on command. I believe all the alcohol and headphone product placement is reproduced in his own house with stacked boxes of promotional loot. And when Khaled says to the girl that he’ll “hold you down,” I know he thinks it means that he will support her. But by the word’s other definition, Khaled will hold, as in prevent her from ascending, her down mentally, financially, spiritually, and physically The thankless actress who endures Khaled’s “say my name” queries. The shitty New Edition re-creation. The slow motion smash cuts of bathwater, lingerie, and fuckniggery. The endless pointing, preening, and wingflapping of all the singers. You get all of this and a song of such little consequence that I won’t even talk about it. Enjoy the “headsario” (Khaled’s word, I think) and his 4 hired singers warbling over a typical 2010s radio friendly production. “Hold You Down” is the first single from the I Changed A Lot...

Shlohmo and Jeremih – “No More” Feb13

Shlohmo and Jeremih – “No More”

When NPR is promoting crossover R&B dudes, he must doing something extraordinary. It started with a teaser cut last March “Bo Peep (Do U Right)” which was thrilling left turn from a singer with that other birthday song and collaborating with a rapper unfortunately known for a birthday song. Then came the gonzo Xmas video And now the culmination. Yes, it’s very Weeknd-ish, but the wild card is the strangulating beat constructed by Shlohmo. This beat is on some Santigold “Starstruck” shit....

Ludacris feat. Wiz Khalifa, Jeremih, and Cashmere Cat – “Party Girls” Jan31

Ludacris feat. Wiz Khalifa, Jeremih, and Cashmere Cat – “Party Girls”...

The caveat on 2dopeboyz was “This is Chris Lova Lova’s latest Ludaversal single. It’s a lot better that his previous forays into Euro-Pop territory, I’ll say that much.” I came to party like tonight never will never end. Let’s party again. Let’s party again. I need party girls in my party world. Tiddies plastic, ass fantastic. They just brush my hair and touch me everywhere. I don’t say shit, and they be gettin’ naked. Ummmmm yeah …it’s this shit flippe…errr interpolated. Not for the heads. I’m not sure girls will like this. Further research is...